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So there I am, casually trolling the interwebs for a spectacular, knock-my-in-laws’-socks-off pecan pie recipe, when I discover this comment on a Paula Deen Bourbon Pecan Pie recipe:

Food Network

It brings up so many questions, right? Specifically: what the heck happened that this pie — which otherwise holds a five-star rating with 239 reviews — turned out to be such an epic disaster that Anonymous labeled it “deeply upsetting?” Did it somehow morph into Anonymous’ past relationship? Was the face of a demon revealed in via arrangement of the pecans? Did it spew racist propaganda throughout all of dessert in true Paula Deen fashion?

All Deen jabs aside, the Thanksgiving table looks a lot different than it did twenty years ago, what with the internet and its ability to yield thousands of results for anything you might be searching for. Last week, I was getting a haircut and my stylist (I’m super fancy, yo!) began chatting with me about the twice-baked sweet potatoes with bacon brittle she makes every year. So of course I looked up the recipe when I got home and yup — there it was, along with a stylized photo rendered in glorious RGB on my screen.

How does one sift through all this recipe overload? By reading the comments, of course. Comments sections on recipes are vital to weeding out the good from the bad, the tasty from the bland. Comments sections are where home chefs offer up helpful tweaks and spin tales of food triumphs and failures alike. And, as evidenced, sometimes those failures can be spectacular.

But it’s not just comments sections that the internet so generously gives us. It also gives us the ability to share stories with millions of others out there, via glowing screen and clacking keyboard.

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In the spirit of the holiday — and because there’s nothing I’d rather do less than argue about politics around the dinner table, so maybe this can serve as some sort of a distraction or a topic change — I posed a question via AskReddit, asking for users’ most fantastic Thanksgiving kitchen or recipe fails.

User FirstForFun44, spoke of the perils of letting someone into your circle of kitchen trust with unknown cooking abilities:

I let someone else into my kitchen, specifically a friend’s hookup / SO. She just fucked up everything she touched. The green bean casserole was raw, the stuffing was mushy, the bread was under-cooked… Anyways, I don’t trust people but I can’t do it all alone… I trust my mother the most and very few others; when I find a girl who can hang with me in the kitchen and be on my level I’ll get married.

TheDefiniteIntegral’s tale is the perfect combination of family politics and senility:

Grandma forgot that she was going to a niece’s for dinner, and started thawing a bird. Remembered her plans, then decided to cook the bird anyways and bring it.

Might not have been a big deal, except 1) she was losing her faculties so no one knew how long it was in her freezer, how long it sat out before cooking, or if she cooked it enough. 2) The niece decided to have fish, not turkey so it seemed like grandma was passively aggressively stealing her dinner.

All the guests got to choose between offending the host, or offending grandma.


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User atworknotworking89 was so emotionally scarred by a burnt turkey that Grandma never got to live it down:

One time my grandmother burnt the turkey. It was disastrous to me as a kid, because I hated crispy food. It was such a huge deal to me that every year for like 5 years, I would hover over my grandma in the kitchen and ask her if she was burning it again.

Poor grandma 😦 I woulda killed me.

And TupacSchwartzODoyle’s story sounds like it’s straight out of A Christmas Story…which must mean that that dogs ruining holiday dinners isn’t unheard of.

Had Thanksgiving at a cousin’s home. They put the turkey and ham in the dining room while everyone was still milling about talking and watching football.

Unknown noises coming from the dining room soon after revealed 2 cocker spaniels and a boxer on top of the table eating everything !

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Of course, I’m not the only one to have asked this question in the history of ever, which is, of course, where the internet comes in handy yet again. (I’m in a thankful mood, can you tell?) A few years back, PBS posed a similar question, which received another nice stream of answers from users with some truly horrific Thanksgiving tales of woe.

User Caddy Jellyby, for example, spins a bloody tale that should serve as ample warning to always remember to remove the turkey thermometer:

Imagine the scene – hours and hours of elaborate cooking, the table is gorgeous, the family is gathered. The turkey is brought out, it is glorious. I begin to carve, steam rises, the slices fall beautifully. My knife hits the meat thermometer which I have somehow neglected to remove. It glances aside and hits my left thumb. Blood, blood, blood. I am rushed to the emergency room. Hours later, I return to the scene. The family has dined. Food and dishes rest exactly where they were at the close of the meal. There is still blood everywhere. It looks as though Lizzy Borden came for the holidays. I love my family, but they are still unforgiven for that.

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Neil Montana’s tale of his roommate’s tipsy arrogance is truly spectacular:

My former roommate was the type of guy that always needed to impress. We were having 8 guests, and he really wanted to make a big to-do. He purchased an extra-large, 30# turkey for the event. He also purchased one of those disposable roasting pans made of aluminum foil, the kind with handles on the sides. After several hours of cooking (and multiple glasses of scotch), he opened the oven door to remove the turkey. I could see he was struggling and offered assistance, but he insisted he was fine. The laws of physics disagreed. As he removed the pan (sans the suggested cookie sheet or other recommended supporting device) by the handles, it collapsed inward, spilling the drippings onto the floor and (unfortunately) back into the oven. The resulting fireball was apocalyptic. My roommate lost his hair, eyebrows, and goatee — and also learned three unfortunate lessons.

1. Less is more.

2. Cooking under the influence usually turns out badly.

3. You can never fully remove the evidence of a massive grease fire from the ceiling of your apartment.


And user francine2009’s tale of her mother’s giblet oversight is a mistake that is probably more common than anyone would care to admit:

We usually went to grandma’s for holidays but my mother was a good cook and when she undertook her first hosting of Thanksgiving when I was around 10 years old, everything looked and smelled perfect. The beautifully roasted bird was paraded to the table to applause and the carving commenced. Perfect sliced turkey and spoonfuls of stuffing were passed around the table. If we had one less person sitting at the table, we would not have witnessed the steaming bag of giblets that came out with that last spoonful of stuffing. Poor mom. Took her years to get over it — probably because we still bring it up every year.

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As for me? Luckily I’ve been spared from many kitchen disasters, though my decision to try and brine my turkey this year has been…frustrating and messy. The worst story I can think of is the year my aunt forgot to add sugar to her frozen cranberry dessert. Of course she’s never lived that down. Because that’s what families do on Thanksgiving — we argue at the table, and we also poke fun at each other, because in the end, we love each other. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Now go stuff yourselves silly!

do you like going to work? Me neither! See how I got around that and got paid too!

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see how I told my boss to take this job and shove it!

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It’s fair to say that America was shocked on Wednesday when a nude photo of conservative Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) graphically surfaced online. A purported sext message accompanied the explicit image, and Barton apologized to his constituents while emphasizing that he had “sexual relationships” with “mature adult women” following a divorce. The Washington Post has spoken to the anonymous woman who shared the image, along with, um, something else, which we will get to in a moment (you’d better sit down first). And the woman revealed that Barton threatened her with a Capitol Police report if she “expose[d] his behavior” by sharing what he sent her.

Well, not only did the woman share the lewd image and sext, but she also reportedly uploaded a 53-second video (which was self-recorded by Barton) that showed the congressman masturbating. The Post adds that InfoWars briefly published the clip before it disappeared. Oh boy.

The woman says that she and Barton shared 5 years of “encounters and contact” that began in 2011. She’s staying anonymous for fear of online threats and further claims to have spoken with other women who had the same arrangement with him. The woman revealed that Barton threatened her in a 2015 phone call and shared a “secret recording” with the Post:

“I want your word that this ends,” he said, according to the recording, adding: “I will be completely straight with you. I am ready if I have to, I don’t want to, but I should take all this crap to the Capitol Hill Police and have them launch an investigation. And if I do that, that hurts me potentially big time.”

“Why would you even say that to me?” the woman responded. “The Capitol Hill police? And what would you tell them, sir?”

Said Barton: “I would tell them that I had a three-year undercover relationship with you over the Internet that was heavily sexual and that I had met you twice while married and had sex with you on two different occasions and that I exchanged inappropriate photographs and videos with you that I wouldn’t like to be seen made public, that you still apparently had all of those and were in position to use them in a way that would negatively affect my career. That’s the truth.”

After the lewd photo surfaced, the Dallas Morning News noted that the woman can’t be charged under any federal law for sharing the intimate materials. Yet a Texas “revenge porn law” (enacted in 2015) prohibits the nonconsensual disclosure of materials “depicting another person with the person’s intimate parts exposed or engaged in sexual conduct.” So, she may be on the hook there (and maybe for secretly recording his threat).

Barton has issued a statement to the Washington Post, in which he claims that the Capitol Hill Police have contacted him (?), and he’s pursuing the matter:

“As the transcript reflects, I offered to take the matter to the Capitol Hill Police to open an investigation. Today, the Capitol Police reached out to me and offered to launch an investigation and I have accepted. Because of the pending investigation, we will have no further comment.”

Barton again stressed the “consensual” nature of his relationship with the woman. The congressman also says that she retaliated after he broke up with her by threatening to share the intimate materials. What. A. Mess.

(Via Washington Post & Dallas Morning News)

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I always thought things that sounded too good to be true usually aren’t told why discovered this!

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How would you feel if you encountered a yeti? (Shh! Quiet, Hulk Hogan.) Would you feel any differently if that yeti were voiced by respected hunk Channing Tatum?

The first teaser trailer for the Warner Animation Group’s new family adventure Smallfoot has arrived and it features Tatum voicing a yeti named Migo that encounters a human (a James Corden voiced human, no less) in the wild. As is often the case with these sorts of stories, yeti do not believe that humans really exist (COULD YOU IMAGINE???) so this hairless meatbag in Tatum’s world is destined to cause a lot of grief.

“It’s a mythical monster straight out of your worst nightmares with wild eyes and a hideous face and feet that were amazingly, freakishly SMALL!” explains Migo on what us diminutively footed humans resemble. “It’s a terrifying creature with perfect white teeth and breath that just smells all minty fresh, and the only hair it has on its entire body is on top of its head!”

In addition to Tatum and Corden, Smallfoot‘s voice cast also features the talents of Zendaya, Common, LeBron James (NOT A TYPO), Gina Rodriguez and Danny DeVito. If Warner Bros. could be sweethearts and get LeBron James and Danny DeVito to do press together to promote the movie that would be a dream come true for everyone.

Smallfoot shuffles its way into theaters on September 28, 2018.

extra money never was this easy

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extra money never was this easy

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Russell Simmons has penned a statement denying allegations of sexual assault and misconduct that surfaced in the Los Angeles Times on Sunday.

In a letter published by The Hollywood Reporter, Simmons insists that the sex he had with 17-year-old model Keri Claussen Khalighi was entirely consensual. (Khalighi’s account is very different.) Simmons’ response to the allegation began with the Def Jam co-founder enthusiastically endorsing women speaking out about their abuse, although that would shift into Simmons stating he’s learned recently that “some recollections can be cast in a light away from the actual facts.”

“In my case, three witnesses [Anthony McNair and two anonymous witnesses] have signed statements that our experiences that weekend with Keri Claussen Khalighi 26 years ago were consensual,” wrote Simmons linking to the referenced statements. “My longtime loathing of any form of violence and abuse has been woven into all of my personal interactions, as most who know me will attest.”

Simmons suggested that their later interactions demonstrate proof of his innocence.

“In our meeting many years later, and subsequent conversations, Keri never accused me of what she has said publicly,’ he wrote. “She insisted I was not violent. She did tell me her boyfriend and many others found out about our long weekend together and she said she was ashamed by that discovery. I am sorry for the embarrassment she recounted to me.”

In his statement, Simmons offered an apology for “cavalier and thoughtless” remarks he’s made that have offended women while stressing he is a “work in progress.” Simmons’ letter did not acknowledge director/producer Brett Ratner’s alleged involvement in this encounter.

(Via The Hollywood Reporter)

I always thought things that sounded too good to be true usually aren’t told why discovered this!

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see how I told my boss to take this job and shove it!

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McDonald

Well, it finally happened. We managed to eat all the chicken strips and America’s golden aches sporting fast food giant can’t keep up with the demand. Just as Nostradamus foretold!

Business Insider reports that the new Buttermilk Crispy Tenders from McDonald’s have been much more popular than the company anticipated. So much so McDonald’s has shared that their franchises will stop selling the tenders for a stretch and see the menu item return in the future with a replenished stock. Seeing as the strips have been completely cleaned out at a number of locations, that news might come as a colossal bummer to customers chain eating tenders.

“Because demand far surpassed our expectations, we will soon take a brief break from serving them at our restaurants,” said McDonald’s in a statement provided to Business Insider. “By the end of next month, however, our craveable and delicious tenders will be back and available for everyone’s enjoyment.”

That’s the silver lining to the great tender menu disappearance of 2017. The strips return in December with McDonald’s now having a proper idea of how much tender demand is out there and hopefully that cancels out anything like the Rick & Morty fan meltdowns that happened over October’s Szechuan sauce outage.

(Via Business Insider)

do you like going to work? Me neither! See how I got around that and got paid too!

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see how I told my boss to take this job and shove it!

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If you, like me, live on Twitter, you spotted images of Prongles, the obvious Pringles knock-off being sold at Target, between dumpster fire announcements of sexual harassment and net neutrality horrors, At that point, you probably had a good chuckle and moved on to tweet something hilarious about your cats. But, if you are instead one of the intrepid detectives spending your online time at Reddit, you did considerably more. You solved the mystery.

Packaged in the familiar tennis ball can shaped container, Prongles are very simply potato chips that are perfect for pretending you have a duck bill. Ringing any bells? Yeppers. But, unlike the mainstream counterpart, Prongles have a large, vaguely 90s boar as a mascot. It’s kind of like Bebop and Rocksteady from the late 80s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon had a baby who grew up to do extreme sports while shoving chips in it’s drooling mouth hole.

It’s kind of a nightmare. I miss the little face with the giant stache and the bow tie.

The boar may be most obvious moment of cognitive dissonance but then, there’s the flavors: onions and cream and salt and potato. It’s all an exercise in the uncanny valley — like Lars and the Real Chips. As is the slogan “Once You Pop … THAT’S GREAT!” That’s great? Way to be satisfactory. So, I’m not a huge Pringles fan, but everything about Prongles makes me like Pringles more.

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This is where the Boxcar Children of Reddit started. They had a can and an insatiable hunger for knowledge. What to do? Rip that fucker apart. Under the Prongles label lay the packaging for The Good Crisp Company, Australia’s iteration of Pringles. So, the product isn’t chips. The can is just a vehicle for the label.

The next clue was in the receipt. The potato snacks rung up as a purchase from toys and sporting goods, specifically the cans were listed as a CAH card game. For those who aren’t down with game acronyms, that’s Cards Against Humanity, the game that asks you to reveal the very worst parts of yourself to other players. You may also know it as the game that purchased land on the Mexican border to prevent the building of a wall and sold customers boxes of literal shit.

And, it doesn’t stop there, the letters CAH are hidden on can illustrations. The address on the product belongs to Cards Against Humanity. And, the web address for Prongles was registered by the makers of the card game. Though, the website isn’t live yet and only displays the Original Prongles logo and a coming soon message.

Writers at Neatorama assert the chips are simply a promotion for an alternate reality game the company is releasing soon. Presumably, the website will shortly reveal the answers. In the meantime, the curious can follow Prongles on Twitter, though the account hasn’t updated since October 30. Maybe they are busy with Thanksgiving. Or they’ve popped and… GREAT!

It’s odd that Cards Against Humanity would have the product in stores without sufficient web support, but perhaps they didn’t expect Redditectives to go so hard, so fast. Either way, it’s a fun bit of nonsense in a world increasingly devoid of whimsy.

h/t Grubstreet

nobody knows I’m unemployed because I’ve got so much money

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see how I told my boss to take this job and shove it!

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Aside from Nobody Speak, the Netflix documentary detailing wrestler Hulk Hogan’s legal fight against the website Gawker, billionaire Peter Thiel has largely avoided the spotlight since the 2016 presidential election. Although the former Gawker target reportedly thinks Donald Trump’s time in office will end in failure, the Facebook board member remains one of the president’s more consistent supporters among the nation’s wealthiest business entrepreneurs. However, BuzzFeed News thrust Thiel back into public view on Wednesday when it revealed his legal team is laying the groundwork for a potential Gawker buyout.

According to the report, Thiel’s lawyers filed a federal bankruptcy court filing challenging a provision from the original decision that prevented Hogan’s financier from attempting to buy Gawker.com or its parent company:

The filing, which comes more than a year after the revelation that Thiel helped finance a clandestine legal war to destroy Gawker.com’s parent company, Gawker Media, lays the groundwork for the Facebook board member’s possible bid for the dormant website. While its sister sites were sold to Univision in August 2016 for $135 million following Gawker Media’s bankruptcy, a bankruptcy plan administrator has not been able to find a buyer for Gawker.com. Whoever ends up buying the site will also buy its archives, which are still up, and will have the right to do with them what they want, including delete them.

Whether or not the motion will actually lead to the provision’s cessation, and thereby allow Thiel to bid on Gawker Media, remains to be seen. Even so, the very prospect that the man who paid for Hogan’s legal case against the website — largely due to its previous coverage of his business dealings and personal life — is a dark one. After all, if Thiel managed to buy Gawker.com, he would be within his rights to delete its archives, just as Joe Ricketts decided to delete the contents of DNA Info New York and Gothamist in early November.

(Via BuzzFeed News)

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I paid off my student loans early

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The Trump Hotel in SoHo was supposed to be a crown jewel in the Trump family’s glittering empire. The venture was announced on The Apprentice a decade ago and was promoted by Ivanka, Don Jr., and Eric Trump long before they set foot on Capitol Hill. But while the Trump family has managed to turn plenty of controversies into gold, they never managed the same trick in SoHo. The first company the Trump Organization partnered with on the project has defaulted, and while CIM Group stepped in just three years ago, already they want a buyout that would enable them to rebrand.

Located just three miles downtown of Trump Tower, Trump SoHo features a blend of hotel rooms and condominiums in an arty upscale part of Manhattan. It could have been a big hit, but it’s faced many woes. There were immediate protests, zoning squabbles, irate neighbors, a construction worker’s tragic death, and plenty of litigation. One lawsuit alleges the Trump Organization puffed up its sales figures, prompting a criminal investigation. The cherry on the sundae was the closing of the hotel restaurant, which never reopened.

Now a decade old, the place needs an update, but investors don’t see the point. In fact, some are part of the problem. One of the many lawsuits the hotel is tangled up in includes a case that alleges the property was financed by a Russian criminal. Now the very Trump name is hurting the place, too. Don Jr. and Eric, who were the face of the hotel when it opened, are now the ones in charge of the decision to let it go. It will be up to CIM to regroup and rebrand.

(Via: the New York Times)

I always thought things that sounded too good to be true usually aren’t told why discovered this!

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I always thought things that sounded too good to be true usually aren’t told why discovered this!

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when does black friday start

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Black Friday
is the first day of Christmas shopping, for many, and everybody’s hunting for a deal. But what deals are there to be had, and where can you actually find them? And when will these stores be open? Here’s a brief look at each store, its best deal, and when you can get at it. Note: If stores stay open overnight, we’ll just note their opening time on Thanksgiving.

Best Buy, Opening At 5pm Thanksgiving Day to 1am, Open 8am Black Friday

If you’re in the market for a new Android, it’s hard to beat Best Buy’s deal, with $300 off the more expensive recent Samsung phones.

GameStop, Opening At 4PM Thanksgiving Day to 10pm, Open 6am Black Friday

GameStop is usually where you find the deepest discounts overall, and it does not disappoint this year, with most recent releases getting a steep price cut to just $25 to $27 from the usual $60.

JC Penney, Opening At 2pm Thanksgiving Day

The most attention-getting deal from Penney’s is a $500 Samsung 55″ 4K TV, but it’s also offering half off on Nike and up to 80% off all appliances.

Kohl’s, Opening At 5PM Thanksgiving Day

The big deal at Kohl’s is Canon’s Rebel T6, discounted to $450 from $750 with $135 in Kohl’s Cash on top, a good starter DSLR and cheap workhorse for hardcore photography fans. They’ve also got PS4s for sales for $200 and Kohl’s Cash, so if you’ve got a lot of popcorn tins and pillows to buy, or can one-stop-shop at Kohl’s for Christmas, you may be able to work a few deals.

Macy’s, Opening At 5pm Thanksgiving Day to 2am, Open 6am Black Friday

Macy’s big push this year is “free after rebate,” with everything from sweatshirts to tote bags to glassware costing between $10 and $12 with a rebate that erases the cost. It’s a neat idea, but caveat emptor, as always.

Target, Opening At 6pm Thanksgiving Day to Midnight, Open 6am Black Friday

The best deal, if you’re in the market for a voice assistant, is the Google Home Mini at Target, with a $30 price plus a $10 Target gift card thrown in. Hey, maybe get a Blu-Ray while you’re at it?

Wal-Mart, Opening At 6pm Thanksgiving Day

And finally, Wal-Mart has the best deal on a Chromecast, at just $20.

do you like going to work? Me neither! See how I got around that and got paid too!

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